Which way to Woolwich Barracks?

Well, well, well... it's been a funny old year and I haven't blogged much but as many you of you will by now know, I have been selected to represent my country at one of the greatest sporting shows on earth, and a home games to boot. Since the day Sandy Gregory said to me 'you might classify for the disabled squad' it's been a rollercoaster of epic proportions.

I vividly remember the first camp I went to to be classified... Thanks to Helen George I was given the opportunity to be seen by Tim Hazel during one of her Talent ID weekend (it's all HER fault! :) ). I remember Tim's supportive comments, but what was most interesting was my reaction to being classified disabled by Pauline Betteridge... I'd never considered myself disabled... you see, few disabled people do! We get on with life, keep taking the painkillers, and make the best of what we have to work with and try to be as 'normal' as possible. Once classified I had to accept my issues... it was a bitter sweet moment... yay! I'm disabled!... oh...

I vividly remember the first time I wore the GB top. Proud as punch and twice as happy. I shot like a twat that shoot. I lost solidly in the first head to head match. Game over... I was so upset. I felt like I'd let everyone down, my team, my coaches - how naieve I was... nobody cared that much but me. It simply meant too much to me. I got a good talking to from my good mate and fellow archer Mick Beard (he's on here somewhere :) ) I've never forgotten the time out he took to put his arm around me and kick me verbally in the ass.... it meant a lot, and still does.

I remember too the time I went to the FITA coaching conference in Korea. We visit Seoul and went round the Olympic Museum in the Olympic Park there... the hairs on my neck stood on end and I decided there and then I wanted to do this, be part of the greates sporting show on earth.

Mick went on to Beijing and I didn't because AGB (or certain senior people in AGB) didn't want to take the risk on me not getting an international classification... (despite the fact that others had done it before me) I got it in June that year, but by that time AGB and their preparations for Beijing had moved on without me, but I didn't lose faith in the dream.

From that point on I gathered good people around me. Positive people, people who could help me. I found that help was out there, but was rarely brought to me - I had to dig, ask questions, be a bit cheeky and get what help I could by hook or by crook.

Anyway - long story short. This year I was invited to the selection shoot for London. The scary part began. My first selection shoot was a disaster. I shot poorly as I was ill. My wife had been ill all week and I was fated to get it. I finished day 1, 60 points behind 3rd place. they cancelled the second day due to extreme weather, and I was never so glad. I could barely stand let alone shoot straight. Someone somewhere was looking out for me!

Selection shoot two was 'interesting'. I shot average on day 1, but the guy I needed to catch, David Gardner, a good friend and good archer, shot a blinder! So I dropped to nearly 100 points behind!!! I felt like it was game over. I took myself away that evening and played Half Life 2 for 4 hours... I killed things and blew sh*t up. I felt sorry for myself, but I wasn't ready to give up.

I was frustrated as I'd beaten all the guys just weeks before. I KNEW I could do this. I knew I was capable of being the best in the team. I'd done it the year before in the selection shoot for the Worlds, I wiped the board on that occasion, and I wasn't done yet.

Day 2 I shot well. I got my head down and just worked the arrows. I won the majority of my matches. I went from 100 points behind to 30 points behind. I got more points than all of the guys I was shooting against - this was the determined, never give up, me. I was knackered, sore, tired, losing the will to live, but I fought for every point, every match.

I left the range that day happy that I'd done my best. I'd given 100%. I'd given the head coach a headache. I was still behind, but I'd shown my mettle in the head to heads - and that's where medals are won and lost, but I was set in my heart that it wasn't enough and that I wouldn't be in London.

I was just pleased that through this journey, my wife Hazel (coach with the squad) WOULD be there and I was glad that I'd taken her on a journey that would give her that life experience and opportunity. I was ready to go back to the day job.

On Monday I received a phone call from the Performance Director Sarah Symington. I nearly hit the deck when she told me I'd made the team. My first thought was 'WOW!', my second thought was for my good friend Dave Gardner who'd been dropped... bitter sweet.

Since Monday it's been a blast... keeping it quiet, knowing yet being unable to say. Waiting for the day when I could share the news with my friends and family, and yesterday was a day of outpouring of good wishes and good vibes.

Thanks to everyone around me, I'll be going to London! It still doesn't seem real...

Who got me to where I am?

I've been lucky enough to travel to various places with the British Paralympic Archery squad, and I was thinking the other day how much I owe to others who have helped me get where I have... and I decided to start listing them...

Number 1 on the list has to be my adoring wife, Hazel. She's been my rock, my life, my heart and soul for many years and she continues to support me in more ways than I can list in words.

Number 2 has to be my family... my Brother and Sister and their families for believing in me and encouraging me, my mother and father in law and my wife's siblings, they're all an amazing bunch of people and I'm blessed to have them in my life. Some say you can't choose your family, well in my case I definitely would!

Number 3 has to be my good friends - again I am blessed with so many honest, kind, caring people. Real friends. True friends. The kind of friends who would go out of their way for me, without a second thought.

4 - Archery GB of course, and all of the staff and volunteers who make a real difference to the people I share a team with. Coaches, physios, psychologists, doctors, luggers, carriers, pullers, stalwarts every one who have never wavered in their belief in me. And of course my team mates past and present for thousands of hours of good fun and hard work.

Related to that is the National Lottery without who's support, we'd have much poorer facilities and much fewer opportunities to train together, and the British Paralympic Association who help us prepare for the big events.

5 - Scottish Agricultural College and it's staff who made it possible for me to work part time and train part time. My colleagues are always supportive and interested in what I'm doing and where I'm going to next! I'm also a regular in the SAC staff news letter!

6 - Scottish Institute of Sport (and in particular the East of Scotland Institute of Sport) for their support and guidance with Physio, Psych and Strength and Conditioning amongst many other things. A huge thanks to John Marchant my sports psych who turned my world around.

7 - Jim Lawless (author of taming tigers) who's motivational talk started it all for me and made me believe that such dreams were not only possible, but achievable!

8 - Beecraigs country park - for providing me with the best practice range in the country over the last 4 years free of charge and making it possible for me to have out of hours access too! Whatever I've asked of them, they've never said no!

9 - Scottish Archery Association - for providing funds for me to cover travel to test and selection events this year

10 - The Worshipful Company of Fletchers - for providing me with grant funding to buy new limbs last year. They do amazing work for disabled archers up and down the country.

11  - Alistair Whittingham and Edinburgh University Center for Sport and Exercise for providing me with excellent winter training facilities.

12 - Werner Beiter archery products for providing me with kit at discounted prices.

13 - Graham Harris at Clickers archery for providing me with kit at discounted prices.

14 - Arrowhead UK - for letting me try their excellent chestguard way back when, and since then providing amazing customer service.

15 - Pino Reverzani of KFA trading for introducing me to Eli Vanes and providing me with test product.

16 - Balbardie Archers for keeping my feet on the ground, for being a friendly and accomodating club, and for all of the distraction training!

Hmm... that's quite a list and I suspect there's some I have forgotten! Isn't it wonderful to have so many good people around? Thank you one and all!

Reasons to be cheerful

I like to start off a year by looking at the positives... What's this? The grunpy old archer perhaps not so grumpy? (Thosw who really know me, know that I am generally positive in outlook anyway :o) )

Positive number 1

I'm still here! Always a good start to the year when you're still breathing I think. I imagine starting off a year in a state of rigor mortis probably sucks.

Positive number 2

I have an amazing, loving, kind, caring, generous, gorgeous (etc. etc. etc.) wife. Some people take their partners for granted, especially after a few years of marriage, but I give thanks every day for the gods of fate who brought us together and somehow blinded her and removed her better sense to allow her to marry me :o) I tell her I love her every single day. And I do. With all my heart and soul.

Positive number 3

I have a loving, caring family (and family in-law) with whom I enjoy a wonderful relationship. They're all good fun and generally positive people. I feel sorry for those who have been unlucky enough not to be blessed with a lovely family.

Positive number 4

I'm in reasonable health... nothing has fallen off in the intervening 12 months. It's all looking slightly more work and saggy in places, but 'not too bad for my advancing years'. Last year was a tough one - hitting the big five-oh! did affect me somewhat emotionally, and I'm finding myself ever more aware of my own mortality and of those around me, but fingers crossed there's plenty of mileage in the old tyres yet!

Positive number 5

My friends and family have stayed relatively health in the last 12 months. The well-being of those I love is intensely important to me, and it's good to know they're doing well.

Positive number 6

I have no debts. WEEEEE! Not many people can say that these days. I've been debt free for some years now, but it never gets old. Long may it continue. I know it's a privilege, not a right, and I'm thankful for the lifestyle choices and general good luck that have led me here.

Positive number 7

I have fun. Every day. I wake up and thank god I'm alive. I don't excel at much, but I enjoy what I do.

Positive number 8

I have a good job which pays the bills, and which I enjoy (mostly!). I've had times when I woke up feeling sick at the thought of going to work, stressed out. panicky. Those years are long gone and having gone through them I'm able to appreciate the work I do now.

Positive number 9
I have massive opportunities in front of me to fulfill my dreams and desires. All I need to do is go out there and make them happen. 2012 is an exciting year. I will travel. I will see new things and meet new friends. I will be challenged and do scary things, and I will meet those challenges and fears head on.

Life doesn't get much better.

Mac virgins...

Thought it might be useful to you Mac virgins if I gave you a list of some of the apps I use regularly...

Evernote - it works on Mac, iphone, ipad, android, etc - great for synching notes between devices https://www.evernote.com/

Dropbox - Share files across devices... again, great for synching information. 2GB storage free... http://db.tt/9DiL5uf

TextWrangler - handy text editor http://www.barebones.com/products/textwrangler/

Audacity - Audio recording and editing http://audacity.sourceforge.net/

VLC - Multimedia player that plays just about anything http://www.videolan.org/vlc/

Miro - another media player - http://www.getmiro.com/

Perian - improves quicktime to support multiple other formats - http://perian.org/

CoconutBattery - utility for keeping an eye on the health of your battery http://www.coconut-flavour.com/coconutbattery/

Doubletwist - if you have an android device, this is good for syncing stuff to your android platform (music, phtos, etc) http://www.doubletwist.com/

Filezilla - ftp/sftp client http://filezilla-project.org/

Google quick search - never look for an app in the applications folder again! http://www.google.com/quicksearchbox/ - this is probably one of my favourite apps.

Handbrake - DVD ripper and video transcoder - http://handbrake.fr/

Mactheripper - Another DVD ripper - http://mactheripper.en.softonic.com/mac

Gimp (needs X11) - quirk but powerful graphics editor - http://gimp.lisanet.de/

Inkscape - vector graphics editor - http://inkscape.org/

Keepass - Password security / storage - http://www.keepassx.org/

Truecrypt - If you need to encrypt disks - http://www.truecrypt.org/

Neooffice - like openoffice, but a mac osx build - http://www.neooffice.org/

Stuffitexpander - for handling zip, rar, tar, gzip, bzip archives etc - http://www.stuffit.com/mac-expander.html

SuperDuper - disk imaging - http://www.shirt-pocket.com/SuperDuper/SuperDuperDescription.html

Carbon Copy Cloner - another disk imager - http://www.bombich.com/

Adium - instant messaging client - http://adium.im/

Transmission - bittorrent client - http://www.transmissionbt.com/

ClamXav - antivirus - http://www.clamxav.com/

Xquartz - for those old apps that still need X11. X11 is built into OS X, but not always the most up to date version - http://xquartz.macosforge.org/trac/wiki

That's it really.... more MAC hints and tips to follow!

The secrets of success

I had a discussion with a good friend of mine a couple of years ago about forgiveness. In particular, self forgiveness...

We strive to attain our goals and sometimes fall short. For this outrageous and unacceptable failure to perform, we beat ourselves violently. We talk about our failures, we go over our failures, we upset ourselves about our failures, regardless of whether or not the failure was actually our fault or not.... well... some of us do!

It's considered "human" or perhaps just "british" to be self defacing and self punishing, talk talk down our successes and talk up our failures.

Well, not for me!! I like to talk about my successes, because it feels good to succeed. I make no apology for it. Of course, no one wants to be seen as a braggard and arrogant, but please understand that it's OK to say 'I did that well, and I'm happy with it' It's ok to smile and pat yourself on the back for reaching your goals.

I also like to forgive myself my failures. Being somewhat disabled, there are days when I'm in pain, when my body doesn't want to do the things I'm encouraging it to do, when antagonistic muscles want to have their say, when things are going on in my life which distracts me from my objectives and leaves me in a poor place to perform. Under these circumstances it's OK to perform below par!

As yourself some questions - did you do your best? Could you have done any better? Did you work as hard as you could? If the answer is YES, then I'm sorry to break it to you, but that's the best you could be on that particularly day. It's disappointing, of course, and you may feel bad for a period of time, but for goodness sake make it minutes or hours rather than days!! For your own sanity, for your own peace of mind, take yourself back to a place and time when you did well and remember that time. SEE yourself performing well and replace those bad, destructive thoughts with thoughts of slick, easy performance and forgive yourself.

I remember when  I won my first proper medals for my country at an international event - I won two, and they were both Gold. My friend asked me if self-forgiveness was my only secret... I said no, and for those few one or two who read my blog, I hereby share my 'secrets to success'.

1. Forgive yourself. As above. Enough said. Be kind to yourself, talk nicely to yourself... you'll be amazed at how it can change your outlook on life.

2. Set realistic goals.... You should have a different set of goals depending on how you feel, how the weather is, whatever factors affect you. I usually have 3 sets of goals - my personal best, for when I'm on top of my game, an average, for most days, and a 'bearable' for those days when I'm not at my best or the weather is poor, but above which I will accept that this is the best I can expect.

3. Work harder than your opponents. This is no surprise to any elite athlete. Everything you do that your opponent doesn't do, has to give you an advantage. Whether it's better equipment setup or more practice time, it's all going to give you the edge. Act boldly, and act today.

4. Believe you're better than you currently are, and strive to be better than you are. I'm endlessly surprised at the ability of the human being. How many new world records are set every year? HUNDREDS! Why? Well some of it is because technology is helping, but most of it is because the best people do not limit themselves to the barriers set by those who came before.

Small anecdote here: My wife used to shoot well, but never quite getting to 'Grand Master' status. She was hovering around 1200 scores. On our way to a tournament one day I told her I believed her to be capable of 1260. I spent most of the journey explaining why I believed her to be capable. Now 1200-1260 is a BIG jump, but by the end of the journey I think I had persuaded her. She went out that day and shot a 1268. Coincidence? I think not.

5. Trust your ability. The last thing any elite athlete needs to do when performing is to think about it... We think in training, we work on technique, we consciously work through the process, we then put that into practice and practice then becomes pre-competition preparation. It takes the brain SECONDS to process conscious thought - it's way too slow to perform at elite levels, which is why we need to keep it out of the equation. The subconscious / learned responses can operate much faster independantly. As soon as you doubt your ability, your conscious WILL get involved and try to 'fix' things, then the game is over. Learning to trust yourself is the only way to achieve awesome results.

6. Have fun. Motivation is a strange thing - some people are motivated by money, others by fame, others by sex, others by self-preservation. Finding real satisfaction in whatever it is that you do is, in my opinion, the only way to ensure that you will continue to increase your performance. For me, and many of my friends, much of that comes from enjoying what you do. And it's a funny thing that the better you get at doing what you do, the more fun it becomes... Never lose the satisfaction.

7. Know yourself. Spend time looking inwards and understand what makes you tick. It may not be what you first think. Taking time to understand why you are who you are will help you with all aspects of your performance. I've worked with 4 sports psychologists and a business coach, and the journey has been enlightening and occasionally scary, but it has helped me understand what I really want and need, and why I feel the way I feel. The benefit of this is that things I felt were scary before, are no longer as scary as they used to be. Fear, in particular, holds us back more than we can possibly realise.

8. Take control of your controllables. What can you do about the issues you're facing? Get on and do it. Shrinking violets rarely shine.

9. Ignore the uncontrollables. Is something bugging you that you can't control? Injury, someone else's actions, your environment? Suck it up and move on.

10. Never, ever, ever, give up.

Simple as that.

The true meaning of life is to be found in the world rather than within man or his own psyche, as though it were a closed system.... Human experience is essentially self-transcendence rather than self-actualization. Self-actualization is not a possible aim at all, for the simple reason that the more a man would strive for it, the more he would miss it.... In other words, self-actualization cannot be attained if it is made an end in itself, but only as a side effect of self-transcendence - Victor Frankl

Thought for today

Life is not a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body,but rather to skid in broadside, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming -- whoo hoo-- What a Ride!

That's all...

As you were!

More lists that make sense

1. Life isn't fair, but it's still good.
2. When in doubt, just take the next small step.
3. Life is too short to waste time hating anyone.
4. Your job won't take care of you when you are sick. Your friends and parents will. Stay in touch.
5. Pay off your credit cards every month.
6. You don't have to win every argument. Agree to disagree.
7. Cry with someone. It's more healing than crying alone.
8. Save for retirement starting with your first paycheck.
9. When it comes to chocolate, resistance is futile.
10. Make peace with your past so it won't screw up the present.
11. Don't compare your life to others. You have no idea what their journey is all about.
12. If a relationship has to be a secret, you shouldn't be in it..
13. Take a deep breath. It calms the mind..
14. Get rid of anything that isn't useful, beautiful or joyful.
15. Whatever doesn't kill you really does make you stronger.
16. It's never too late to have a happy childhood. But the second one is up to you and no one else.
17. When it comes to going after what you love in life, don't take no for an answer.
18. Burn the candles, use the nice sheets, wear the fancy lingerie. Don't save it for a special occasion. Today is special.
19. Over-prepare, then go with the flow.
20. Be eccentric now. Don't wait for old age to wear purple.
21. The most important sex organ is the brain.
22. No one is in charge of your happiness but you.
23. Frame every so-called disaster with these words ''In five years, will this matter?"
24. Always choose life.
25. Forgive everyone everything.
26. What other people think of you is none of your business.
27. Time heals almost everything. Give time, time.
28. However good or bad a situation is, it will change.
29. Don't take yourself so seriously. No one else does.
30. Believe in miracles.
31. Don't audit life. Show up and make the most of it now.
32. Growing old beats the alternative -- dying young.
33. Your children get only one childhood.
34. All that truly matters in the end is that you loved.
35. Get outside every day. Miracles are waiting everywhere.
36. If we all threw our problems in a pile and saw everyone else's, we'd grab ours back.
37. Envy is a waste of time. You already have all you need.
38. The best is yet to come.
39. No matter how you feel, get up, dress up and show up.
40. Life isn't tied with a bow, but it's still a gift.