Christmas - a family time

I love Christmas

There, I've said it. Don't condemn me!

I love the preparation. I love the decarations and celebration. I love the giving of gifts. I love the catching up with family and friends. I love the sheer indulgence. It's once a year, so we should enjoy it!

Yes it's commercial, but it's as commercial as you want it to be. My wife (Hazel) made a load of lovely cards for family and friends. We could have gone to Aldis or Tescos or perhaps made some kind of effort and bought some charity-related cards - but the personal touch is, for us, what it's all about.

I was a bit unsettled when I got odour eaters, deodorant and soap from her in my Christmas stocking... what IS she trying to tell me... hmmmm :)

We spent some time with Mum at the home, helping her open her presents and call the family (photo above). She's no fan of Christmas but she's definitely a fan of family time. Just another day in the life of Cathy.

Merry Xmas everyone!

Cars and their drivers

I've been thinking for sometime (dangerous, I know... sane people go into hiding when I think too hard!).

What is it that apparently changes people when they get into a car (or often worse still, behind a keyboard on a forum)?

Well, I think the answer is that it DOESN'T change people. What you get is someone who is isolated from their environment sufficiently for them to show what a d*ckhead they really are in real life.

It's a sad indightment of humanity that most (yes I said MOST) people are:

• Lacking the basic social skills at a heart-and-soul level.
  Yes they will "do the right thing" when they think someone will judge them and that judgement is likely to impact them, but most people in my experience are actually down at heart ignorant and selfish. Those who really think about and care about others enough to make this world a better place are, in my opinion and assessment, in the low 5%-10%
  
  
• Lacking intelligence
  Some people are good at their jobs, others are good at their hobbies, a small number are plain genius, but few people actually have sufficient overall intelligence to be allowed behind a car steering wheel.
  Why does driving a car require intelligence? Because driving is all about cause and effect, and few people have the foresight or understanding to fully appreciate the "effect" part of their actions.

There's nothing that you or I can do for these poor fools who have no idea that their desire to get to work 5 minutes earlier, or that business meeting or that phone call is actually completely irrelevant in the scheme of life They are deluded that they, and their needs, are in some way important - but the fact of life is that we're all pretty insignificant and disposable, and that NOTHING is worth putting your own safety or others safety at risk.

They don't realise that driving 2 meters off your rear bumper at 70 miles per hour is actually not achieving anything... in their own small world it is achieving some kind of satisfaction that they're "doing something", to get to where they want to be when in actual fact they're causing the whole process to get more difficult, because all you're then doing is taking great delight in holding them up :) Cause and effect - y'see?

The macho male or dimwitted female (yes, ok, stereotypes... but they DO exist) who doesn't even look in your direction before swinging into your lane in front of you has more problems than they care to admit - their tunnel vision is impeding their progress through life as it goes beyond driving, it shows a lack of attention to detail that will see them get to retirement age and wonder what happened... whereas you and I will have a life full of achievement and wonderment.

So when the guy behind you is tailgating, or the guy in front cuts you up, or you see some other idiot doing something equally foolish on the roads... pity them rather than getting angry. It's not their fault they are dimwitted and slow of thought, or lack enough heart to truly love or be loved... that's just the way they are, and perhaps an indightment on their parents and social circle.

So - drive with care and consideration and be a role model to these poor fools... who knows, your good actions might actually show them a new way of behaving. It's unlikely that they've got the mental capacity to grasp such concepts, but you never know - genetic wonders do happen!

Be kind to others. leave plenty of space in front of you (it'll help your passenger (if any) have a comfortable journey as well as relaxing you much more than you could think possible). Set the example and most of all...

Be careful out there, it's a jungle!

:)

New car time

Well - it's that time again.

The old stagecoach has done nearly 100,000 miles, and I'm sure has another 100,000 left in it, but it's starting to show its age. The ESP has a warning light on, the power steering takes a while to start up some mornings and the last MOT had an "advisory note" attached to the back of it telling me it was time to start spending some money.

My old Skoda has done me well, but the search for a new car is never easy. My in-laws have tarred me with the brush of never being able to make a decision (whereas I think they're impulsive - the kind that invariably go into a garage "for a look" and come out with a new car or caravan).

I like to do my research you see. I don't spend money easily and I know what I want.

The Skoda had a range of "toys" that I appreciated - cruise control, heated seats, heated door mirrors, air conditioning, reverse parking sensors, etc etc. but the top of my list of "must haves" are:

• Cruise control - I spend many weekends driving up and down between Scotland and England and it's a painful enough journey (in many ways), but the CC makes the journey a bit more bearable. I can move around and relax by old back/hips/knees.
• Heated seats - being a bit of a nutter, I spend weekends standing in wet, muddy, cold fields shooting arrows at a target, then collecting, then repeating. I've been unfortunate to shoot in temperatures as low as zero degrees, with hailstones battering my face and hands.... there's nothing finer than getting into the car, cold, wet, miserable, putting on the seats and just relaxing of a lunchbreak, or on the way home

Yes I could live without these "toys", but I'm afraid I've come to realise that life is all about the pleasures, and both of these gadgets give me pleasure (or at least ease the pain) in some way.

So - having seen my wife's Hyundai i30 perform admirably over the last year, I decided to go hunting for either that or an Octavia Estate (again, boot space is a premium for me as my sport requires me to cart around a ridiculous amount of "stuff" when I compete - even worse when my wife is competing too!)

Not many Octavia's took my fancy, but doing my research I found that the 2-litre i30 Premium had both of my must haves plus a range of other toys... such as leather heated seats, climate control, nice big alloys, six speed gearbox, buketload of airbags, typre pressure monitor, reverse parking sensors, rain sensor, light sensor, auto dimming rear-view mirror, electronic stability control, RDS radio AND an iPod/MP3/Flash memory stick connector for plenty of music options on those long drives south (and north). Toy heaven or what? PLUS the balance of a five year warranty to boot.

So - went in to test drive last Saturday, chucked it around the local roads and motorways for half an hour and half an hour later I'd bought it!

Who says I can't make a decision!?

So... I pick up my year and a half-old i30 with 9,000 miles on the clock next saturday and awaaaay we go! Here's hoping it's as reliable as the Fabia was... I'll miss that old car (in fact it's probably the first car I've had in a decade that I will miss).

Feeling the fear, and doing it anyway

I got a book a while ago entitled "Feel the fear and do it anyway" by Susan Jeffers.

Susan has written many other books (Dare to Connect, the Little book of confidence, end the struggle and dance with life, etc, etc,) - none of which I've read.

Like many of my non-fiction library I read a bit and put it down, but recently packed it again on one of my trips abroad for in-flight entertainment.

The reason I packed it is that I have had lots of in-depth conversations over the last year with my sports psychologist and more recently with a business coach. Many or most of these discussions have revolved around my self confidence (or lack thereof), my trust in myself (or lack thereof) and most recently my desire to flee from difficult interpersonal situations (mainly people issues).

You see, life is made up of a jumble of fear and desire (see Maslow's hierarchy of needs), and the ensuing battle of one over the other. This battle, and the connection between innate and learned behaviours and beliefs fascinates me. Armchair psychologists spend many a happy hour discussing whether certain behaviours are innate or learned, but the bottom line is that for many people, it is fear which predicts the bulk of their negative actions.

"Feel the fear and do it anyway" encourages the reader to do just that, by a series of non-psychology-babble common sense statements and interjections, punctuated by examples which seem all-too convenient to be entirely real! However, what the book does do is offer an insight into an alternative way of responding to the feelings we inevitably have to face, and an alternative way of viewing the options available to us.

A very interesting read, if a little light... more psychoabble to follow once I've finished it!

So what is "Talent"

It it some innate skill? Some genetic ability to percieve the world in a way that others simply cannot? Or is it a learned skill, through dedication and hours of practice at a prticular task?

Is Talent innate in all of us, but requires the right stimulus at an early age? And at what age does that stimulus no longer work?

Physical talents, such as sporting talent, will always require some physique attributes which, when missing, will make excelling at that sport difficult, or even impossible... but what about artistic talents? Is hand-eye coordination a physical aspect required for, say, painting and drawing or playing a musical instrument? If you're too cack-handed to get to grips with a finger-picking lick on the banjo, is this the way it will always be, or can practice really make perfect?

What about the "feel" for an attractive shot that the top photographer has? Is this generated through thousands of hours of learning from what is attractive to you? And is beauty truly in the eye of the beholder?

Hmm. lots of questions, but few answers. When we strive to excel at something and we reach our limit, how do we recognise that limit? And on those rare occasions when we push through that barrier and exhibit a near genius-like talent, however briefly, is this an indicator of things to come, or is it the sublime taste of what COULD have been, if we had talent?

Is it true, that simply not knowing something is impossible allows certain individuals to achieve it?

The world is a place of great talent. Individuals who can excel at a multiplicity of tasks. The roster of geniuses is long and interesting.... how do we find out if we could be on that roster, with a little more practice...

Some lives move on, others grind to a halt

Well, homes selected, and mum moved in yesterday. Sad, very sad. It's a lovely environment, but her heart is breaking at the realisation that this is it. End of the line. No more going home to the place she shared with her father and with me while I was growing up.

We went into the house and cleared out a lot of stuff last weekend. 8 of us milling around going through possessions and making judgments about what to keep and what to get rid of. It was hard, and particularly hard when some of those there didn't actually know mum that well (mainly because they're grandchildren and great grandchildren) ... there were times when I just wanted to tell them to go, but I know they were only trying to help.

As the house gets emptier and emptier, the light at the end of the tunnel just gets duller and duller.

I do wonder what will become of me as I reach an old age. I am the youngest of my family but a significant margin and therefore expect to outlive them (life, of course may have other ideas...) , they also have a line of children and grandchildren to look after their needs and interests, but there's just me and the wife... no kids, no-one who will be around to really give a damn in 30 years time.

Will I become a burden on my wife? Will I be able to walk or be confined to a wheelchair? Will I be healthy and fit or a physical wreck? Will I have my mental faculties or be a babbling fool?

When one reaches middle age and beyond, the weight of ones own mortality can be heavy. I have a future ahead of me of watching my loved ones wither and fade and no children to help me see the point of what I've achieved in my life...

Depressing? Could be, or I could simply deal with everything a day at a time and stop wondering "what if?". Now is a good time to look forward and plan - what is it I really want to achieve? How do I want to make my mark? Before it's too late...

Well, I'm now on the care home trail. Shorlisted six in the area and saw three of those yesterday.

I even plucked up the courage to show mum the handbook with all the homes in it. She seemed resigned to the fact, but tomorrow she may have forgotten and we start again. In some ways I'm glad I don't know what she's saying as it might just break my heart...

Walking into her house is hard enough, when she's not there and I know she won't be back. Surrounded by her belongings, her life, her feelings and emotions, her friends and family photos... and she'll never see most of it again.

I must find some way to cheer up this blog, it's getting depressing!

When parents get old

We go through life ignoring our parents are getting older, until the time when we can no longer ignore it. When my father died it was like a bolt out of the blue. We'd been waiting for him to fall off his perch for years, but never really took it too seriously until one day he was gone. I wish I'd known him better and spent time listening to his stories.

Now that my mother is infirm and spending her days in hospital, I can't communicate with her either thanks to the stroke that took her speech and her ability to read or write, her ability to focus and concentrate. It seems like some bizarre joke, but no-one's laughing. Three years on from the day she had the stroke, life gets harder for her.

She didn't want to live before the stroke, especially after her partner and friend died and took her last hope for happiness away, now I look into her sad eyes and feel her pain so acutely. I can see her deep, deep sadness, I feel her heart reaching out saying "please don't do this to me god".

Before I left for Arizona, I went to see her. As I left the hospital room I looked through the window at her - her eyes looked at me but she saw nothing. I saw and felt her sadness and hopelessness more acutely than ever and I cried most of the way home.

If there is a god, then he really does not care for everyone as he is alleged to. She spent her life caring for everyone around her, especially me, and now in her hour of need, no-one can care for her in the way she needs. It's very very unfair.

Light at the end of the tunnel

Well, last year was a tough year and I wondered if I should be continuing with the struggle, but this year seems different - very different. I can see potential and promise. I can see improvement and have more self-awareness and understanding than ever before. There's much to do, much work ahead but it might just be worth it after all...